


Shadows Left Behind

by sunshine_heroes



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Amnesiac Lelouch, Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, M/M, Post-R1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 07:18:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14929691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshine_heroes/pseuds/sunshine_heroes
Summary: Suzaku writes a letter to Lelouch reflecting on his betrayal, and how things could have been different. Post R1.





	Shadows Left Behind

My mind is filled with hatred.

It pains me that you should roam so freely, so carefree, a man who left a trail of innocent bodies in his wake without a care for the people he harmed. A man who was responsible for the bloodshed and betrayal of the Specially Administrated Zone. The one who used Euphie like a rag doll then threw her away like it was nothing.

I loathe to hear your voice, see you walk through the school grounds in this parade of a life.

For a man who claims to create dreams, you have done nothing but destroy the dreams of others in your own selfish pursuits.

Lelouch. Zero. You are now neither. You are a shadow. It's a fitting punishment, that you should have to live without that which drives you, your entire reason for living. Still, I cannot bear to see you. It pains me.

The way your smiles are never fake anymore, but they aren't as bright, either. Or maybe that’s just how I see it because I know, I know how you would hate the way you've been forced to live. And then there's the way you look when you think you’re alone, amethyst eyes dull and unstaring, as if you wouldn't mind if the cars travelling the highway veered off course and took away your empty existence.

Such sad eyes.

As soon as I started to feel a hint of _remorse_ for a man like you, I knew I couldn't do this anymore. I have left your surveillance in Villetta and Rolo's hands, and run away to where I don't have to see your treacherous face every day.

Maybe I am not yet bad enough of a person to want to see you suffer. Or maybe I am too weak and sentimental deep down to forget that you were my best friend. I am filled with hatred and sorrow, yet somehow, when I see your conflicted face, your empty expression, I can't help but want to comfort you.

Comfort you, or strangle you with my fingers pressed against your neck, I can't decide.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no regret for what I’ve done. Both you and I are too steeped in our sins to be forgiven. But is it wrong that I wish things were different? There was a time long ago where the future held so much hope.

We were torn apart. The murder of my father. Our separation. You becoming Zero. Euphie’s murder. Which was the point of no return? If I could go back in time and fix everything, would I?

There’s no doubt in my answer to that.

If we could laugh together again, I would.

But the Lelouch I know no longer exists, and I’m the only one who remembers him. It’s a burden for me to carry, one I accepted it the moment I turned in my best friend. The guilt that haunts me is nothing.

I have to go now.

Rot in this peaceful imitation of a life we have created for you, Zero. The next time we meet, I hope it’s in hell.

**Author's Note:**

> So just to clarify, in this scenario Suzaku stayed in school for a short period after the events of R1. I haven’t seen Akito, so it's probably not compliant there.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! I’m a long time Code Geass fan but only got into fandom a couple years ago, and missed out on all the Suzalulu goodness back then (so imagine my glee that Code Geass is coming back and we might have an active fandom again!). I’m super keen to chat about Suzalulu or anything Code Geass. Nice to meet you all :)


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